Last Updated on February 1, 2024 by Kittredge Cherry
Marriage equality has a surprising role model in Saint Valentine, a 3rd-century Roman priest who defied the restrictive marriage laws of his era to bless couples who were forbidden to marry. His feast day is, of course, Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14).
Saint Valentine was not gay, but he put love above the law to perform outlaw marriages in his day. He can be an inspiration for the current movement to legalize same-sex marriage.
The Roman Emperor Claudius II thought that he would get more and better soldiers if men were not allowed to marry, so he issued a decree outlawing marriage. Saint Valentine (or Valentinus in Latin) continued to perform weddings in secret until he was arrested and executed for defying the ban on such marriages. Legend has it that he fell in love with a woman who visited him in prison, sending her a letter that ended “From your Valentine” — the original prototype for today’s Valentine greeting cards.
There are at least 12 saints named Valentine (including a woman martyr called Saint Valentina). The many stories about them overlap and are hard to verify, so the Roman Catholic Church removed Saint Valentine from its general calendar in 1969, while still allowing local celebrations. Saint Valentine (or Valentinos) is commemorated in the Anglican, Lutheran and Orthodox traditions, although not always on Feb. 14. Relics of Saint Valentine are enshrined at churches across Europe, including the Greek island of Lesbos.
Saint Valentine also did weddings for Christian couples at a time when the church was persecuted. Now the tables are turned and conservative Christians are sometimes persecuting LGBTQ people. They are among the most visible opponents of marriage equality.
Following in the footsteps of Saint Valentine
But brave clergy are following in the footsteps of St. Valentine. They pioneered the blessing of same-sex relationships long before it was on the secular political agenda and continue to face punishment for defying marriage laws. For example, Troy Perry performed what may be the first modern same-sex wedding in 1969, a year after he founded the LGBTQ-affirming Metropolitan Community Churches. In a more recent case, Presbyterian lesbian minister Jane Spahr was censured in 2012 by the Presbyterian Church for marrying 16 same-sex couples during the brief period when such marriages were legal in California.
Another liberating way to look at marriage is provided by the Religious Society of Friends, commonly known as the Quakers. They have no clergy, so couples marry each other directly, without a priest or minister to make it official. This sometimes led to legal complications.
George Fox, a founder of the Quakers, explained the concept in 1669 by saying, “For the right joining in marriage is the work of the Lord only, and not the priests’ or the magistrates’; for it is God’s ordinance and not man’s; and therefore Friends cannot consent that they should join them together: for we marry none; it is the Lord’s work, and we are but witnesses.”
LGBTQ Valentine prayers
I wrote the following LGBTQ Saint Valentine Prayer when a friend requested prayers as the Church of England considered same-sex marriage on Feb. 15, 2017. They voted to continue study debate, so the need for prayer is ongoing. The opening lines are included in Q Spirit’s Litany of Queer Saints:
Dear Saint Valentine,
help everyone to find and keep
their true God-appointed love.
Guide the church to affirm and bless
all those whom God has joined together,
regardless of their sexual orientation
or gender identity.
Saint Valentine, pray for us.
The following lines were added in 2021 by Enrique Zenteno López. He is pastoral leader of Iglesia de la Comunidad Metropolitana (ICM) Libres por Amor, a progressive church in Puebla, Mexico.
Touch hearts so that ignorance and prejudice
of the church and the institutions it influences
do not continue to generate hate crimes and violence
against people who only want to love each other.
Inspire lawmakers and leaders to remove laws
that prevent us from getting married and accessing our rights.
Free families that are poisoned by lies
that make them break bonds that should last a lifetime
with daughters, sons and relatives who dare to
live their diversity in freedom.
Thank you for blessing us with the rainbow, a divine sign,
and for praying that we can live in full dignity.
Saint Valentine, pray for us. Amen.
History has many saintly same-sex lovers
While Saint Valentine is not known to have performed same-sex weddings, church history does provide powerful examples of same-sex couples to inspire today’s lovers — whether or not we have the right to marry. Links to some of them are listed below. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Boris and George: United in love and death
Brigid and Darlughdach: Brigid loved her female soulmate
Sergius and Bacchus: Ancient Roman soldiers and gay lovers
Symeon and John: The holy fool and the hermit who loved each other
Wenceslas and Podiven: Good (gay) King Wenceslas
David and Jonathan: Love between men in the Bible
Hildegard of Bingen and Richardis: Mystic who loved women
John Henry Newman and Ambrose St. John: Did the Pope beatify a gay saint?
Perpetua and Felicity: Friends to the end
Polyeuct and Nearchus: Brothers by affection
Ruth and Naomi: Love between women in the Bible
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Related links:
15 LGBTQ Christian Valentine’s Day gifts, movies and books
To read this article in Spanish, go to:
San Valentín y la igualdad del matrimonio (Santos Queer)
To read this article in Russian, go to:
Святой Валентин и брачное равноправие (nuntiare.org)
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Top image credit: Saint Valentinus mosaic, photo by CafeCesura
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This post is part of the LGBTQ Saints series by Kittredge Cherry. Traditional and alternative saints, people in the Bible, LGBTQ martyrs, authors, theologians, religious leaders, artists, deities and other figures of special interest to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people and our allies are covered.
This article was originally published on Q Spirit in February 2017, was expanded with new material over the years, and was most recently updated for accuracy on Feb. 12, 2022.
Copyright © Kittredge Cherry. All rights reserved.
Qspirit.net presents the Jesus in Love Blog on LGBTQ spirituality.
haha! The truth will set you free. Like story’s of Valentine’s intercessions for young lover there is no basis in reality for sodomic marriage. Geoffrey Chaucer made up the myth of Valentine’s day… ironically because he noted a inconvenient biological fact, that birds mated in England around St. Valentine’s day. Evidently he thought true love had something to do with procreation.
He was opposing a secular pagan leader who had outlawed all marriages entirely, meaning that St. Valentine was obeying the Church’s law over secular pagan law and he was performing marriages for opposite-sex couples rather than same-sex couples or other groups that had not been allowed to marry traditionally. At no point did he approve of the latter.
TY for this. But it needs to be said taht in Christian traditions where Holy Matrimony is a Sacrament (not to be confused with marriage, which is an institution that preceded the Christian church and still flourishes outside it) the couple marry each other. The priest does not marry them. He simply witnesses and blesses the sacrament that they administer to each other. in some countries the priest also acts as an agent of the state in legally registering the marriage for the state. In other countries the state alone legalizes and registers the ,marriage in a secular ritual. In such cases the church blessing is strictly religious, not a combination of a religious rite and a state and legal registration. Marriage itself bis a state institution and every citizen, religious or not religious, needs to enjoy the civil right of marriage.
Felicidades en el día de San valentin.y buena publicacion.pero aveces uno tiene mucha ansiedad de decir quien realmente es uno por los valores que impone la sociedad.espero que me entiendas.
English translation of this comment: Congratulations on Valentine’s Day and good publication, but sometimes one has a lot of anxiety to say who one really is because of the values imposed by society. I hope you understand me.