Last Updated on January 6, 2024 by Kittredge Cherry
Tyler Clementi (1992-2010) brought international attention to bullying-related suicide of LGBTQ youth by jumping to his death on Sept. 22, 2010.
Clementi’s highly publicized tragedy made him into a gay martyr whose untimely death put a public face on the problems of LGBTQ teenagers. His story sparked efforts to support LGBTQ youth, raise awareness of the harassment they face, and prevent suicide among queer young people. Another result is new legislation stiffening penalties for cyber harassment.
Later his parents quit their longtime evangelical church because it condemned homosexuality as a sin. His parents once considered suing Rutgers over their son’s death, but in 2013 they announced that they were working with the university to form the Tyler Clementi Center at Rutgers. It sponsors conferences and academic research to help students make the transition to college. They also established the Tyler Clementi Foundation to promote acceptance of LGBT youth and more inclusive society.
Help is available from the Trevor Project, a suicide prevention group for LGBTQ young people. Contact them at 866 4U TREVOR or their website: thetrevorproject.org.
Cyber-bullying at university led to suicide
Clementi was an 18-year-old freshman at Rutgers University in New Jersey when he was driven to suicide by his room mate’s anti-gay cyber-bullying.
A talented violinist, Clementi came out to his parents as gay before leaving home for college. His mother, Jane Clementi, later told the Daily Beast that during the three weeks between his coming-out and his suicide, she felt she had to choose between her son and her Christian faith. She reached a new understanding in the grief after her son’s death: “That was when I could bring them all together: the LGBT issue and the faith issue. I didn’t realize you could have them both until after Tyler passed.”
Three days before the suicide, Clementi’s room mate used a webcam to secretly record Clementi kissing another man in their dorm room and streamed the video live over the Internet. In messages posted online before he took his own life, Clementi told how he complained to authorities about the cyber-bullying and asked for a new room assignment. Then he jumped off the George Washington Bridge. It took a week to find his body.
Tyler Clementi plays a violin in “Heavenly LGBTQ+: Queer Icons from LGBTQ Life, Religion, and History.”” by Jan Haen, a Dutch artist and Roman Catholic priest. It is the sequel to his 2022 book “Heavenly Homos, Etc..”
The room mate, Dharum Ravi, also 18 at the time, was convicted on 15 counts, including invasion of privacy and bias intimidation, in connection with Clementi’s suicide. Ravi was sentenced to 30 days in jail; 3 years of probation; 300 hours of community service; fined $10,000; and ordered to undergo counseling on cyberbullying and alternate lifestyles. His accomplice, Molly Wei, avoided jail time by agreeing to testify against Ravi.
Tyler Clementi’s death got national attention
Anti-LGBTQ statements by religious leaders and other public figures are also partly responsible for Clementi’s death. They created the hostile environment that drove Clementi to suicide. Artist Louisa Bertman emphasizes this point in her powerful ink illustration, “Tyler Clementi, JUMP!” She makes visible the hateful voices that may have been in Clementi’s mind. In her drawing, his head overflows with people urging him to jump. They are politicians as well as the actual students who bullied him. Their names are listed in a stark statement at the bottom of the drawing:
“Message brought to you by Sally Kern, Kim Meltzer, Nathan Deal, Carl Paladino, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Tom Emmer, Jeremy Walters, Rick Perry, Bob Vander Plaats, Dharun Ravi, and Molly Wei.”
Bertman, an artist based in Cambridge, Massachusetts, is known for her non-traditional portraits.
Clementi helped inspire the founding of the It Gets Better Project and Spirit Day. The It Get Better Project aims to stop suicide among LGBTQ teens with videos of adults assuring them that “it gets better.” Spirit Day, first observed on Oct. 20, 2010, is a day when people wear purple to show support for young LGBTQ victims of bullying.
Tyler Clementi hides his face in his hands when tormented by his room mate in art from the 2023 book “Heavenly LGBTQ+: Queer Icons from LGBTQ Life, Religion, and History.” by Jan Haen.
Responses to Clementi’s death are examined in “Dying to Be Normal: Gay Martyrs and the Transformation of American Sexual Politics” by Brett Krutzsch, visiting assistant professor of religion at Haverford College in Pennsylvania. A chapter on Clementi is included the book, which was published by Oxford University Press in 2019. The book examines how LGBTQ activists applied Christian traditions to prominent LGBTQ deaths to counteract Christian conservatives between 1995 and 2015.
Unfortunately Clementi’s experience is far from rare in the United States and around the world. In South Korea, gay Catholic poet Yook Woo-Dang took his own life at age 18 to protest discrimination against LGBTQ people. His death in 2018 shocked the nation and he became a national symbol of teenage sexual minorities, leading to some legal reforms for LGBTQ rights.
Openly lesbian talk show host Ellen Degeneres spoke for many in a video message that put Clement’s suicide into context shortly after he died:
“I am devastated by the death of 18-year-old Tyler Clementi….Something must be done. This month alone, there has been a shocking number of news stories about teens who have been teased and bullied and then committed suicide; like 13-year-old Seth Walsh in Tehachapi, California, Asher Brown, 13, of Cypress, Texas and 15-year-old Billy Lucas in Greensberg, Indiana. This needs to be a wake-up call to everyone: teenage bullying and teasing is an epidemic in this country, and the death rate is climbing.”
Books on LGBTQ suicide
“Christianity, LGBTQ Suicide, and the Souls of Queer Folk” by Cody Sanders.
Religion’s role in the high suicide rate of LGBTQ people is explored with an interdisciplinary approach. The book includes interviews and methods for queer souls to resist soul violence. The author is American Baptist chaplain to Harvard University, advisor for LGBTQ+ religious affairs at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and pastor to Old Cambridge Baptist Church in Cambridge. Published by Lexington Books, an imprint of Rowman and Littlefield, 2021.
Books for LGBTQ Christian youth
2020 BESTSELLER AT Q SPIRIT
“Queerfully and Wonderfully Made: A Guide for LGBTQ+ Christian Teens” by Leigh Finke (editor).
LGBTQ teens are assured that their queerness is part of God’s plan in this fun, enlightening and compassionate guide for young people ages 12 and up. A broad range of LGBTQ religious issues are covered, including Biblical arguments, church reactions, conversion therapy, and “queer icons of Christianity” such as saints Sebastian and Joan of Arc. Additional chapters cover definitions, self-care, coming out, consent, sex, being queer online and much more, with personal stories scattered throughout the text. The book ends with a helpful glossary and resource list. It is edited by religion writer Leigh Finke and written by a team of writers with expertise in ministry, mental health, art, education, and LGBTQ+ activism. Foreword by Jennifer Knapp, contemporary Christian music star who came out as lesbian. It is a companion book to “Welcoming and Affirming: A Guide to Supporting and Working with LGBTQ+ Christian Teens.” Published by Beaming Books in 2020.
“Still Stace: My Gay Christian Coming-of-Age Story” by Stacey Chomiak.
A young woman makes peace with her lesbian identity and Christian faith in this young-adult illustrated memoir. It tells the true story of Chomiak’s teenage and young-adult years: finding love, wrestling with family conflicts, and trying to become ex-gay before reaching wholeness and a happy LGBTQ-Christian ending. Stacey Chomiak is a Canadian artist in the animation industry, getting her start on the well-loved series “My Little Pony” and currently art-directing for DreamWorks. Published by Beaming Books in 2021.
“The God Box” by Alex Sanchez.
Small-town gay Christian teen boys fall in love and struggle with the Bible’s teachings on homosexuality in a young-adult romance novel from a Lambda Literary Award-winning author. Published by Simon and Schuster in 2007.
Books on ministry with LGBTQ youth
“Pastoral Care to and Ministry with LGBTQ Youth and Young Adults” by Arthur David Canales.
New ways for churches to support God’s queer young people are offered in a book that weaves together queer theology and successful practice: “Pastoral Care to and Ministry with LGBTQ Youth and Young Adults” by Arthur David Canales. It critiques the Bible’s anti-LGBTQ “texts of terror” and provides liberating interpretations of scriptures on homosexuality and transgender issues from a marginalized perspective. A practical framework shows how to provide pastoral care and support serving sexual minorities. The author describes himself as “a Hispanic, Catholic, pastoral and liberation theologian who specializes in youth and young adult ministry.” He is associate professor of pastoral theology and ministry at Marian University in Indianapolis, Indiana. Published by Wipf and Stock
“Welcoming and Affirming: A Guide to Supporting and Working with LGBTQ+ Christian Youth” by Leigh Finke (editor).
Learn to affirm LGBTQ Christian teens as God does with this comprehensive guide. Topics include Biblical arguments, creating an affirming church culture, recognizing one’s own biases, definitions, dealing with parents, sex education, and much more. It is edited by religion writer Leigh Finke and written by a team of LGBTQ adults, with personal stories from queer youth. A section on “Queer People in the Early Church” has profiles of Aelred, Augustine of Hippo, Sor Juana Ines de la Cruz, Bernard of Clairvaux, Hildegard of Bingen, and Joan of Arc. Foreword by bishop Kevin Strickland of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. This is the companion book to “Queerfully and Wonderfully Made: A Guide for LGBTQ+ Christian Teens.” Published by Broadleaf Books in 2020.
2017 BESTSELLER AT Q SPIRIT
“A Brief Guide to Ministry with LGBTQIA Youth” by Cody J. Sanders.
How can a church’s youth ministry have a positive impact on adolescents who struggle to live out their faith and their LGBTQIA orientation/identity? This guide for affirming congregations includes practical advice and a glossary. The author is pastor of Old Cambridge Baptist Church in Harvard Square. Published by Westminster John Knox Press in 2017.
“Making Space for Queer-Identifying Religious Youth” by Yvette Taylor.
A scholar charts the experiences, choices and identities of LGBTQ youth in inclusive churches. Sexuality and religion are seen as mutual paths that can help youth manage marginalization, discrimination and other issues. The author is education professor at the University of Strathclyde in the United Kingdom and has held posts at universities in Australia, Canada and the United States. Published by Palgrave.
Links on Tyler Clementi and LGBTQ youth bullying and suicide
Day of Silence Prayer: Stop bullying God’s LGBTQ youth by Kittredge Cherry
Spirit Day: Stand up to bullying of LGBTQ youth
It Gets Better Project video by Kittredge Cherry
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Image credits:
Top: “Tyler Clementi, JUMP!” by Louisa Bertman
Tyler Clementi’s webcam photo of himself (Wikimedia Commons)
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This post is part of the LGBTQ Saints series by Kittredge Cherry. Traditional and alternative saints, people in the Bible, LGBTQ martyrs, authors, theologians, religious leaders, artists, deities and other figures of special interest to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender and queer (LGBTQ) people and our allies are covered.
This article was originally published on Q Spirit in September 2017, was expanded with new material over time, and most recently updated on Sept. 21, 2023.
Copyright © Kittredge Cherry. All rights reserved.
Qspirit.net presents the Jesus in Love Blog on LGBTQ spirituality.
